he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
