I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
