Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
