I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
