If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
