I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You are the jesus of drinking
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
