think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
