I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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