So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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