At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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