I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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