So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
