So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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