Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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