If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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