so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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