Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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