i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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