we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
