Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
