Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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