I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
