did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
