im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
