So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
