I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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