Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it glows. i had to have it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
