I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just had sex on a roof
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
