Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
