they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
