I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This baby is an asshole
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my liver is dry heaving
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
