doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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