I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
