we're blogging at a bar
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
