the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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