Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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