I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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