I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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