everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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