i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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