i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So many bounce houses so little time
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
