Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
