i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
