when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
