How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
