Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
