everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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