I wish I could punch you in the face.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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