Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
