I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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